This woman at work told me she would never think I would be intimidated. And this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this comment from someone.
I am. ALL THE TIME!! Wholly cow… if only she knew. The difference between me and her is… I hide it. Well. Behind smiles and sarcastic remarks. Behind laughing and hiding in the corner trying to remain unseen.
See, I grew up hiding the fact that I lived in filth. I can hide when my feelings get hurt (most of the time) and I can hide that I secretly crave knowing that I am good enough. I do hide when people make me feel inferior.
I get intimated by the cleaning girl at work. She cleans toilets and my job is much more glamours than hers is by far. I am not bragging… I am just stating the fact if she knew she could intimated me… oh .. the power she’d have LOL.
I work with a TON of really pretty women. Some younger… some older. Most of them are very pretty and very dressy. Me.. eh. To a degree I can dress. But, most of the time, I feel like a child playing dress up. Intimated? Yup.
I think in the back of my mind… if they only knew, they’d chew me up and spit me out. Ok.. I’m being a bit dramatic here, but hey, it’s my couch and I can be if I wanna be.. right? Ok, I’ll stop.
My point is, is that I do feel this way. Growing up how I did made me this way. I’m insecure. (to the point I make MYSELF SICK OF ME) My house isn’t a fancy house in a nice neighborhood. My dog is a mutt. My hair cut cost me less than $15.
Even if I had all these nice things… I really think I’d feel the same way. I never got that foundation I needed to be 100% confident in who I am.
Please, parents that hoard… please understand what your doing to your children.
I am your child. 10 years.. 15 years… 20 years from now. I am your daughter. Maybe she’ll be better than I am, more forgiving, but your taking the chance that she’s going to be even more messed up than I am.
Is this a chance your willing to take?
Please, don’t let your daughter grow up to feel that she’ll never be good enough… to feel intimidated by everyone.
I wanted to cry reading this. You are beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. All the “stuff” that you believe disqualifies you to be confident, glamorous, worthy of love and attention…that’s the stuff that pressed out the wrinkles in the garment of your being. God has lovingly held onto you through it all. And He makes every single one of us beautiful. (I try to remember that God made us all the same, in His image. That means if He made them confident, He made you to be special too!)
Aww, Ceci, thank your for your comments. Without God watching over me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Doesn’t mean the doubts go away or any of the other stuff, but deep down, I know he’s the reason I’m here.
God bless you and all you do. You’re the best!