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In the last week, I’ve been able to witness abuse in a familiar way.

Years ago, my mom would use the “somebody told me” as an excuse to accuse. That somebody didn’t exist. I’d never get a real name.

Recently, a woman used this against one of my friends. It’s manipulation. Make up a person to take the fall for how you treat someone. My friend also never got a name.

I was also accused by a man this month of doing or saying something offensive. I asked him for proof of my infraction. Asked for a name, heck, I even gave the man access to my Facebook account and said, “Go wild, show me what I did.”

Hear that… it’s crickets. I got nothing from him. He shut down, refused to respond to me.

This is the behavior that hoarders use. I’ve seen people talk about this on messages boards and in conversations. My mom did this.

Give me evidence Mom. She shut down. Refused to talk. Go figure…

If someone has something to say to you, saying how wrong you are.. do not listen unless they can provide you evidence. This is one thing that is starting to sink in from my childhood. I do not have to be used this way or manipulated this way as an adult.


I will not be tricked into bowing to your will with guilt. I refuse to be guilty for something I didn’t do. I will not grovel at your feet and beg your forgiveness to be a member of your club.

Over the years I’ve let myself be used for the sake of keeping peace. I was the good girl. Only, the people using me? They didn’t care. They will always lie and always use. They will talk about you behind your back, make up a “somebody” or accuse you and refuse to provide you with proof.

When I was little, I used to feel so so so so so so so bad that our house was messy. Yes, I was probably a messy little kid. But my mom? SHE was the adult. I felt like crap that our house looked so bad.

But guess what? I was a LITTLE KID!! Little kids ARE messy. (well unless they have OCD.. and if you have one of those kids, feel free to let them play at my house 😉  kidding..  )

I WILL NOT feel sorry or say “I’m sorry” for that house being a wreck.

I WILL NOT feel sorry for something I haven’t done.

Dear Children of Hoarders, do NOT take the blame for that house being the way it is. It’s not your fault.